I am a young man.

And as a young man, I have spent a lot of time dating - it is only natural for me to do so.

Like many single young men, you get told that having a “rotation” will make you feel better or you’ll have more success in the field. It’s what the cool guys did, so you should do the same to feel like a cool guy.

Unfortunately, what “they” fail to mention is that a rotation of women you are dating will divert your time, energy, and resources from that which is more important - your purpose.

Your purpose in life should take precedent over the people you are dating. It is the pursuit of this purpose that differentiates you as an attractive person compared to so many others who aren’t. And as someone pursuing their purpose, I can promise you, it works.

Like so many life skills, you need to approach dating with the care and attention that it deserves. To disregard it as a passive activity or “something to do” will only bring you more stress and chaos - further deterring you from achieving anything important. So, once you do reach the point of success that you consider adequate, by all means, go out and date. But date well.

The games of not taking people seriously and being less and less available will only last for so long. Either the person you are dealing with takes the same approach and dates others, or you will lose the chance to even build solid ground with a person who might be a catch. By dating with intention, you maximize your chances of finding someone actually worth settling down with.

But should you settle down? When is the right time?

It comes down to two factors:

1) What is success to you?

2) Is the person you are currently seeing, “the one”?

Definitions of success vary widely across people. Depending on the person, it can be as little as spending time with someone who makes you laugh.

But if you are a bit more ambitious, you want to find that one person who will be your rock. The person who will stick with you through the hard times and the easy ones. Someone who can be the wind in your sails and your biggest supporter while you work towards something greater.

At worst, some may prioritize their own needs and move on with their lives - their loss.

Or, as you strive for greater and greater, you may find someone who shares a common trajectory upwards with you. leaving you both with plenty to offer one another.

The idea here is, you want to build a life great enough that someone wants to share it with you. There may be those who advocate for building this great life together, but that is usually at the cost of one person’s goals.

While I am a man and can only speak from my experience, I believe this applies to women as well. We are in a time where women are just as prominent in the workforce, and excel at many positions traditionally touted as “male-dominated”. As such, any man or woman who is highly ambitious and seeks to build a life greater than the one they currently lead should take note.

But for the homemakers and caretakers, do not let this message get you down. A man who is of this ambitious nature will do right by you if you do right by him. If he subscribes to this message, he’ll just want to succeed in his way first.

So how long should you wait? What becomes the opus to decide when the right time is for you?

That’s the beauty of this approach; they will come.

As you find yourself in the throes of your work and pursuing greater and greater opportunities, a person will come across your path.

You may get introduced by people in your circle.

You may cross paths at an event.

You may go out on errands and make eye contact, prompting you to start a conversation.

At some point, they will come. Once this happens, all you have to do is seal the deal. Treat that person with respect and your undivided attention, and the conversation will flow its way to making a date.

This will need some practice and base-level conversational skills. The work done to build yourself into a confident and competent person will bring you plenty of suitors if you are in those beginning stages.

And if not, then you don’t need me to advise you on how to talk to women here. Continue with what you know, only adding in chasing your purpose as your goal, and see just how quickly the results may come.

You will be surprised. If it isn’t instant, the time spent doing your life’s work will pass by so quickly you’ll forget you were looking in the first place.